Critical Reflection
"The inner child is the part of us that is most alive, most spontaneous, and most capable of healing. It is the place where creativity comes from (Johnson, 1991).” During the last couple of years of my life, the curiosity of learning and healing the “inner child” started. This journey has involved years of working with healers and therapists, as well as participating in various inner child healing activities and workshops. I am still on this journey, and now this journey has turned into an integral part of my art practice.
TWELVE FIFTEEN, David Hockney, 1991
The famous British artist David Hockney has spoken about the playful nature of his art, specifically in relation to his use of color and simply the joy he finds in creating art. He once said, ”Painting is like playing. It’s about making discoveries and having fun. It’s that simple (Hockney, 2012).”
I, as well, approach my art in a playful way, inviting bright colors and different textures on my canvas. Anytime I find myself feeling stuck on the structure of the painting or how things “should be” in a painting, I remind myself that I am having fun, that my inner child is having fun.
In the 1973 essay ”I Am Searching for Field Character”, artist Joseph Beuys quotes "Art is the highest form of play (Beuys, 1975).”
​
Art is playing.
My Bed, Tracey Emin, 1998
In Alain de Botton and John Armstrong’s Art as Therapy book, they quote, "Art can help us convert base experiences into something noble and fine (de Botton and Armstrong, 2013)."
In my practice, I take my childhood experiences and feelings and paint them. Turning the once heavy memories or experiences into colorful paintings with stickers and glitters.
Through reading different texts by philosophers and artists, the idea of how the child in us is always alive and needs space to be seen keeps growing more. "The child is the creator of the world, and the adult lives in the world the child has made (Sartre, 1943).” While reading the philosopher's work by Jean-Paul, who has many philosophical perspectives on childhood and self-identity, it inspired me to paint more. To discover what world the child in me created that the adult version of me still lives in.
Like many artists, art is considered a practice of healing themselves. "I use art to heal myself. I use art to show my vulnerability and to express my emotions. It’s a way of transforming pain into something that’s beautiful (Emin, 2003).” Tracey Emin’s use of art is usually from her own life experiences, using art as a form of self-exploration. Her work My Bed (1998) and Everyone I Have Ever Slept With 1963–1995 (1995), confronts her personal trauma and the heaviness of the human experience of vulnerability. These artworks, along with many others, create spaces and conversations for emotional healing, both for the artist and the viewer.
​
Art is healing.
Self-Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird, Frida Kahlo, 1940
Famous artist Frida Kahlo explores the idea of healing through her artworks. She was known for using self-portraits as a way of confronting her own trauma and healing process. "I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best (Kahlo, 1940).” In my art practice this term, I found myself painting self-portraits of myself as a child a lot. I found home images of myself through the ages of 3-10, chose a couple of them, and just started painting them. It honestly made me wonder: why self-portraits? Why self-portraits of the child I was?
 Sometimes I think the answer is that it is simply a literal and visual way of seeing that little child through my own eyes. When I paint the self-portrait, the practice suddenly starts to become like reviving the child and giving her life again. Giving her space to exist in my adult world.
​
Art is self.
More Love Hours Than Can Ever Be Repaid, Mike Kelley, 1987
During this semester, I visited Mike Kelley’s exhibition at Tate Modern. I was intrigued by his use of children’s objects like stuffed animals, toys, and fabrics. His art evoked this sense of childhood nostalgia. For example, seeing his famous installation More Love Hours Than Can Ever Be Repaid (1987) featuring a chaotic assemblage of second-hand toys and handmade crafts. This work made me reflect on the sentimental, yet messy, emotional landscape of childhood.
In many ways, I found significant connections to my own artwork, like the use of materials associated with childhood-such as stickers, glitter, and pages from children’s books-to evoke nostalgia and create tactile connections to the past.
When the semester began, the first painting I made was a portrait of my personal teddy bear as a child. The teddy bear was never just a stuffed animal. It was a friend, a listener, and a coping mechanism, embodying the emotional support I sought as a child. Revisiting it through painting allowed me to explore the comfort and security it provided, as well as the memories and emotions it evokes today.
Ahh.. Youth (1991) by Mike Kelley explored dark and complex aspects of childhood, addressing themes like abuse and trauma. His artworks challenge the romanticized view of childhood, instead presenting it as a space where innocence and darkness coexist. Although not as direct, my practice explores the duality of childhood-the playful innocence alongside the emotional depth and coping mechanisms children use to interpret complex experiences. Kelley’s approach aligns with my interest in revisiting childhood not just for its simplicity, but for its layered emotional territory. I resonate with Kelley’s revisiting of the past as a means of reflection and catharsis. While Kelley’s tone may be darker, we both use childhood as a lens to understand and process personal and collective experiences.
​
Art is duality.
​
Where healing meets pain, simplicity meets complexity, and past meets present.
References:
Johnson, R. A. (1991) He: Understanding Masculine Psychology. HarperCollins.
Hockney, D. (2012) David Hockney: A Bigger Picture. London: Thames & Hudson.
Beuys, J. (1975) I Am Searching for Field Character. [Exhibition catalog].
Sartre, J-P. (1943) Being and Nothingness. [Book]. Translated by H.E. Barnes. Washington Square Press.
de Botton, A. and Armstrong, J. (2013) Art as Therapy. London: Phaidon Press.
Emin, T. (2003) Tracey Emin: Art and Life. [Book]. London: Thames and Hudson.
Kahlo, F. (1940) Self-Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird.
Play
Heal
Self
Duality